I just had to share with y'all a post by a woman named Molly, whom Sonnie turned me on to a few months ago. The post is about perfection and whether or not perfection is an achievable goal. You should definitely read it. Now.
This is kind of how I've been feeling lately - like life will never be totally perfect, like I'll find a way to sabotage it due to an insatiable need for more, more, more. I've just been feeling sort of aimless and adrift, and even though I'm happy in the choices I've made (career, relationships, friends, causes) I find myself wondering: What next? Part of this is most likely stemming from the fact that I just spent a summer alternately celebrating milestones, ending eras, starting new paths, and making more than one life changing decision. And now the smoke has cleared, the cups have been emptied, the cake has been eaten, the tears have dried, and here I am on the other side - whole, happy, and trying to get used to the fact that for now, this is it.
I should be glad. I should be relieved that the drama is over and the hard work is finished, and I should relax, sit back, and enjoy everything I've earned. But I have a hard time feeling satisfied, and so instead I get cranky. I suppose I should stop trying to rush enlightenment and allow my epiphanies to unfold naturally, allow myself to take advantage of the quiet times in my life and spend them reconnecting with friends, sending letters, working on my writing again. And I will, I will - I just need to pout for a while first.
happy independence eve!!
4 hours ago
7 comments:
You are perfectly terrific. Be proud of yourself!
jen
I hope you get back to that writing soon. I've been reading some of your old posts and your book reviews and I'm really impressed. I'm actually proud that I have met such a talented being.
Keep that head up and wait for the rain to come down through the clouds. Just soak it all up!
Jen - I do love when you delurk!
Bobbie - I'm flattered by the encouragement! I hope when I do start writing again (which will be soon!) I don't let you down!
How about starting a PhD???
When I'm bored I change my hair. Getting extensions next week. Viola!
Thank you for the link!
I think transitions are naturally bumpy, awkward times but they are also exciting because you're on your way to Whatever's Next, and YES, you are allowed both to pout and to enjoy your achievements!!
I remember having that feeling in my early 20s. It's so weird; I really thought it was just me. I graduated, married, bought a house and adopted a dog all in one short year and then was left walking around saying 'now what?'
That was when I started making endless lists of things I wanted to do like - learn violin, remodel the bathroom, go to Mardi Gras, finish four oil paintings. Some of those things have still never been done but most of them have and I think it's because I decided to do them and then wrote it down.
I adore your 'list' and reading about your life here on these pages, in certain ways affirms mine in weird ways I can’t explain.
we all have our funks..its ok. it sure makes the good times seem even more appreciated! just think; we've got a fun crafty night coming up soon...i'm thinking it will help me out of a lil' funk i've been in myself. we can defunk together!!
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