Wednesday, October 29, 2008
twenty-nine and a sigh of relief
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking there are only three days left in this October Portrait Project and Chrissy is getting desperate. Desperate or maybe just crazy, because clearly a photo of a binder can not possibly count as a self-portrait. Allow me to put a stop to that line of thinking, because if it is true that you are what you do, what you think about, what consumes your hours, days, and weeks, that we can in fact be represented by the culmination of our actions and deeds - well, if all that is at all true, then I AM this binder.
You see, this is no ordinary binder. This binder contains a sampling of everything I have done, thought, attempted and accomplished as a librarian since I first stumbled into this career, way back in July of 2007. Printouts of every PowerPoint? Check. Copies of programs from presentations? Indeed. Thank you notes from professors? Naturally. Carefully crafted pages - with color pictures! - demonstrating all the tasks, initiatives, activities, and workshops that I've finished, started, participated in, and yes, I will admit, on occasion, cursed? You betcha.
And what is the point of all this painstaking cutting and pasting, all these regulation sized inserts and dividers? A possible promotion to the next pay grade (fingers crossed!). A step towards getting tenure (though I secretly hope that I am a self-supporting author by the time that moment rolls around). A feeling of accomplishment because hey! I've been doing stuff! I've been working hard! I have a career and I'm okay at it and I'm getting better all the time! These are good things, positive things, even if they aren't the things I always imagined for myself. That sounds depressing, and I don't mean it to. I'm glad to be done with my binder. I'm happy with my life. And the urge to move on isn't too strong - yet.
But move on from working on that binder? Yes, thank you. Moving on...