Monday, January 28, 2013

Weekend Non-adventures


Vegan Hunter Stew - recipe here

Remember when I used to show up on Monday mornings, full of photos and stories about all the things I did over the weekend? Kayaking, and building things, and going places, and seeing friends, and cooking up a storm in the kitchen? Yeah, me neither. 

I'm kidding, kind of. The truth is, my weekends lately do not look much different from my week days. In fact, I have a hard time remember what day it is, and not in a fancy-free-who-cares kind of way, but in an I-work-all-day-every-day-so-it's-irrelevant kind of way. 

Am I complaining? Maybe a little. Indulge me. 

I won't go into all the things on my to-do list, because all you really need to know is that it gets longer every day. And I won't talk about how I love what I'm doing, because y'all know I do. And yet - when I wake up on Monday, and see nothing on my camera but photos of coffee cups and keyboards, I struggle with feelings of disappointment, of regret. 

I go back and forth between thinking I need more balance in my life, and then thinking that balance is just another word for lazy. Back and forth between longing for adventures - parties and travels and shows - and then telling myself to stop longing - that this thing taking up all my time and energy, leaving me exhausted and spent at the end of the day? This is the adventure. 

I only get three years to be in this program, to teach these students, to write this book. Three years. That's hardly any time at all. The parties can wait. We'll travel later. The place for me, right now, is right here. Coffee cups and keyboards are not a sign of missed opportunities - they're a sign of progress. 

Photos at the top of this post are from the stew I made last night, in a cold house because we ran out of oil, which is another story for another day. On the bright side, the stew was very satisfying, and is highly recommended. 

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are struggling with feeling, shall we say, one-dimensional these days. My take is that it's really common with academics because we are so absorbed in our work and our work takes a lot of energy. In private, I often lament that I don't have more energy for things that interest me outside of work, but it's a sacrifice I have chosen. I know I won't be a postdoc forever, so I feel a certain obligation to give it my best and to learn as much as I can while it lasts.

    For better or worse, this too shall pass, my dear :-)

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  2. We had a non-adventure weekend this past weekend & it was amazing. Although I'm somehow more tired after not doing lots of crazy things. Maybe it's catching up to me? Your stew, for one, looks really good!

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