Thursday, August 14, 2014

This is 32

I turned 32 this past Saturday. I love my birthday and I truly enjoy getting older - so far, my 30s have been my most interesting and fulfilling decade yet. I sincerely hope that trend continues.

And speaking of trends, I finally got around to writing my yearly time capsule to commemorate this occasion. Here's what 32 looks like, right now, as I live it. 

Thirty-two is standing at the precipice of a new phase, while saying goodbye to the last one. 

Thirty-two is putting down roots in Wilmington, renting a new house, and making local friends who don't necessarily know or care what an MFA is. 

Thirty-two is figuring out how to make a life that revolves around writing, even when it isn't easy or convenient or rewarded in any tangible way. Thirty-two is still working on the same book that I was writing at thirty-one, which is sort of crazy to think about. Thirty-two is making final edits and polishing a query letter, wondering if an agent will take me on and help me get published. 

Thirty-two is taking risks with my career, striking out along the path of self-employment, hoping it leads to self-fulfillment. Thirty-two is trusting that my income will increase as I get better at this whole writing-for-hire thing. Thirty-two is referring to my work as a "freelance empire" because above all else, thirty-two is optimistic. 

Thirty-two is debt, soul-crushing, seemingly insurmountable, regularly depressing debt. But it's also paying bills on time and the world's tiniest savings account, and that almost feels like a triumph. 

Thirty-two is blogging less, even though I still love it. Thirty-two is having less time to say what I want, or maybe just less to say. Maybe so much has been said already, and I'm content with waiting until I have something new to add. 

Thirty-two is supporting my husband as he starts a new career as a paramedic, learning to be selfless and give space when it's needed, to listen and console, to understand that sickness and death are a part of life, even though I haven't yet accepted it. 

Thirty-two is two dogs and seven chickens, best friends and broken hearts, good intentions and canceled plans. Thirty-two is feeling smaller and bigger at the same time, staying focused on my goals , my family, my friends. Thirty-two is a whole summer lost to transitions. Thirty-two is a fried egg every single day.

Thirty-two is looking forward more often than looking back. Thirty-two is watching as things begin to fall into place. Thirty-two is here, and it's going to be great. 

(PS - A similar snapshot of life at 31.)